#0 – 2

#0

2017

Driven.

Driven to the point of madness.

I had an obsession over being ahead.

An obsession over doing the most at every slice of time available with no regard over my health, my wellbeing, my humanity.

My humanity that I sacrificed to be a constantly running machine.

I needed to be one step ahead of others

ahead of myself.

Way too ahead of myself that I end up dragging my humanity as it’s tied to the back end, trailing.

Trailing along with all the tears that I don’t even express because they’re a waste of time.

A waste of expression, of energy that could be used elsewhere to power the mechanical turnstiles in my head.

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#1

2018

Sighing.

Sighing at how different and yet the same it has been.

Different, because I’m in a better place.

Same, because I seem to be prone to run my hand through the same bushes that leave thorns.

Productivity continues,

but preservation is priority.

I’d like to say that gone are the days of tireless work hours and sparse breaks, but…

Not quite.

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#2

2019

Wishing.

Wishing for better, for stronger, for more forgiveness.

For myself.

For every lost opportunity.

I can’t seem to force my hands to stop from snatching the next stepping stone, thinking of the next dream, working for the next milestone.

Maybe forgiveness is what I need to take with me.

To remember that I am whole without all the extra fluff.

That there’s more when I do less.