Lazy rivers, loose thoughts

I want to eat a chocolate fountain and bathe in a tub of strawberries for exfoliation.

Get rid of those dead skin cells and dead friends still clinging on to my shoulders as I go down the chocolate lazy river.

Bedazzle my dolly top BMW with the tears of all who suffocated me making sure each one shines like a gem in a chandelier.

Breathe out my spit like they were flecks of harmony— notes of songs singing forgiveness.

I let go of all of you, and I’m not sure if that was entirely closing the chapter.

I drove you all away and set timers to tell me when you’re well-done, but this must be all in my head.

Did forgiveness start with the course of a river, or did it crash down with the weight of a waterfall?

How will I really know if it followed through?

Perhaps I won’t.

I won’t know if I made it to the end of the river, especially not when the intention gets lost when it funnels out to the sea.


Fall weather blooms and hearkens

Whisper waits when the trees stop shuffling,

rumbling, ruffling, reading the petal leaf trees that fall to the ground.

Willow waters and scenic shallow seas always course through the tides in this weather.

Warm weather, yet chilling demeanor,

the type you sidestep around but also try to waltz with to save yourself.

She’s a keeper—autumn, the gentle aura.

In the most vibrant of ways, she tells you things are hanging by the cliff

and about to send ripples to the water.

Sinking ships don’t just overturn waves

Life is short. Life is fragile. I feel like crying my balls out for you right now. Even if it may not be my place to do that for you.

My heart is so heavy. The kind of weight you feel like burying into the ground. The kind of burden you feel like leaving behind.

It’s both endless and stationary. I could keep on feeling, keep on crying, but I could also be numb and motionless.

Life has a funny way of treating you sometimes.

You left.

All your troubles and heartaches. All your courage, I admire. It is breathtaking to see that people still fight so heavily to just get through day-by-day.

Well wishes to you. Comfort, hugs and kisses too. You are an emblem. Strength and ferocity, you will always hold.

If there is someone’s passion, kindness and generosity I wish I could embody, it would be you. Absolutely. Wholeheartedly.

Chill out

Stop assigning your worth to your accomplishments. There will never be a time where you finally feel satisfied.

Your worth is better placed in your character as a person.

Your purpose could be to use your talents to the best of your abilities, but that doesn’t mean to trade your soul to the workhorse devil that lives inside of you.

Deep breaths for deep blessings that also live within you— a crying heart simply wanting to make the world feel right again.

Wednesday, 8.21.2019, 11:14

Slashing pens, ripping paper

Why is caring for myself such a a chore? Why does it make me want to dig my teeth into my fist and scratch my nails against my palm in annoyance? Why was I born with the ability to dismiss my health and keep on going until I pass out? Why do I need to keep on being efficient even when I can barely drag myself across the dirt anymore? Why do I feel like imploding into my brain each and every day? Why do I want to throw everything around me at anyone who is within a 5 feet radius from me?

Journaling to calm down is scary to look back at.

Monday, 8.19.2019, 14:27

Random fleeing butterflies

Oak critters

Sun dried raisins

Banana fritters

Wishing wells are sinking.

Cobblestone halos

Cellophane anemones

Not sure what I’m saying, but

This magical world is fleeing.

Sprinkling sugar on my toast

Brewing spells with my toes

I don’t know where to go,

I must be a little lost.

Mulberry picket fences

Chardonnay glittered pixies

Kisses to my sunsets

I don’t know when this should be ending.

Cardamom sprinkled rivers

Shivering mini sewing machines

Instant ramen by the pound

A little lost is better than found.